Where do you draw the line between mom and writer? It seems to be a struggle that has plauged many generations over. I often read articles where authors (women, not men) are asked how they manage their careers and families, like being able to do so is as mystical and unheard of as unicorns. Seriously...it's a little frustrating. Should I feel guilty for finding time to write? Should I feel guilty when I'm doing innocuous things with my kids instead of writing?
Maybe we should just blur those lines and instead focus on all the things we're doing right. And stop asking female authors, who also happen to be mothers, that question.
Everyone has their own way of balancing their life. It can be a juggling act, or perhaps a calendar full of post- it notes carefully laying out the map of your life. Whatever it is, we shouldn't feel guilty about it. The fact is there isn't such a thing as mom slash writer. You're either one or the other, depending on what you're doing. You can't really shut off either part of you when you're a mom OR a dad. They sort of just blend together, but I don't let that interfere with what's happening right in front of me.When I'm at my son's t-ball game I'm a mom, when I'm sitting in front of a computer screen and typing away, I'm a writer. It's really that simple.
There's no magical formula to it. You just do what you gotta do to get things done, without causing permanent damage to your kiddos (which I may have already done by letting my oldest watch The Walking Dead with me a couple of times). No one is a perfect parent, finding one is most definitely like searching for those sparkly unicorns.
I love my kids, I love writing. That's where I'll leave it. My kids are happy, and my writing...well, I'm sure it could use some improvement, but I find time to do it. I don't think this issue will ever go away, especially for those that are members of the fairer sex, but at least I can make peace with how I deal with it.
Great great post. It's something I struggle with all the time. I hate feeling the guilt of not doing something (writing/mothering). You're totally right- we can be both, we just have to do what works best for us. And then make peace with it.
ReplyDeleteThis is a bit amusing. I don't understand why people think a mother does nothing but mother, and at the same time she has to take care of all household chores and "contribute" to the family by working. Most mothers are supermoms anyway, but most people don't see it.
ReplyDeleteOnly a mother understands that she needs her time. Some women have a night out, others use adult interaction to keep sane, you write. There's nothing magical about it. It's called determination and hard work. It's easier not to do anything. Kudos to you for taking care of your children and continuing with your passions.
I'm not a mother but can truly appreciate this post. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to wear so many hats and it's wonderful that you can embrace your different roles! Very inspiring!
ReplyDeleteIt always frustrates me when people ask women how they balance their family and their career, because they never ask men that question! I think you've got the right idea--focus on the good you're doing, because you're doing all that you can.
ReplyDeleteIt's a struggle, but if you love something enough, you can find the time to do it. On the other hand, if the kid whines loud enough, they will get you away from the computer.
ReplyDeleteFantastic post. It's sometimes hard to find a balance, but my son always comes first and thankfully he's still a good napper so I get my writing time. Makes us both happy.
ReplyDeleteExactly! How do we do it? We do it. That is all. I'd like to think my kids come first and always. But like you said, no parent is perfect and we just do the best we can. One thing is for sure. Writing helps me be a better mom by giving me a time to create and relax and vent life's frustrations.
ReplyDeleteI think every mom struggles with this balance. But we all find it. WE do the best we can and if we park the kids in front of the t.v. for a half hour, it's OKAY! Writing is my ME time. And I'd go crazy without it.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad to have found your blog (though Peggy's). This is a great question and it is interesting that men don't get asked the same question. Sometimes it is a struggle balancing everything in. When that happens, I just have to focus on what's important (the family), what matters to me and cut back on what's not so important.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad to have found your blog (though Peggy's). This is a great question and it is interesting that men don't get asked the same question. Sometimes it is a struggle balancing everything in. When that happens, I just have to focus on what's important (the family), what matters to me and cut back on what's not so important.
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