Not many people know I'm a writer. Even fewer know about this blog. I'd like to say it's because I'm a private person, but really it's because I'm afraid of being judged by others. You know that look you get when you tell people you're a writer? The one of skepticism that is followed by some eye rolling. I'm proud to be a writer, it took me a long time to even admit to myself that I was one, but I don't feel like sharing that with every person I come in contact with.
Generally I don't trust people enough to tell them something that's so close to my heart. It's not that I have some wall around me (although, I guess some people may take my looks as hostile. Honestly though, I never even realize I'm giving a certain look to people because I have so many of them)but I'm the kind of person that once I let someone into my life, they're there to stay. That's not to say I'll follow them around, threatening their lives if they decide to leave, but they'll always be in my thoughts. I often find myself wondering about a close friend from my past that I haven't talked to in years, hoping that they found some happiness and are doing well in their own lives. Every now and then I call my friends back East to see how they're doing, but not often.
I'm loyal to a fault. If a friend of mine, one of the ones I don't really keep in contact with, were to call me for help I'd be there for them. It's just who I am. That's why once I fell in love, I stayed in love.
When I first started writing, I didn't tell ANYONE. My husband accidently stumbled upon me sneaking on the computer for a chance to put some words on paper and I finally had to confess what I was doing. Then I told my mother-in-law, because she's an incredibly supportive person and I knew she wouldn't look down on me, or make me feel ridiculous for finally chasing that dream I had put on hold years before. Soon after word spread in our family (as it does in most, like wildfire) and I wish that it hadn't. This was mainly due to my husband's big mouth, I love him, but sometimes when he opens his mouth things come out that I'm not expecting. Why do I wish that they hadn't? There are people in my family that I take no issue in knowing that I write, for example my sister, my mom and dad, my brother, a couple of my sister-in-laws (my husband comes from a family of six kids, he's the youngest and the fifth boy, so I have MANY sister-in-laws) and a few of my brother-in-laws. There are some I wish didn't know simply because our relationships aren't very strong, and they are the kind of people who do the roll eye thing when they find out. And I'm sure they don't have much faith in my ability to do anything other than talk SUPER DUPER fast (Seriously, I am a REALLY fast talker, especially when I get going on something that really interests me). The ONLY people that know about this blog are my husband and mother-in-law. I don't think I'll be divulging that information any time soon, and I'm going to make sure my husband doesn't either.
These are my private thoughts as I pursue a career in writing. It's often easier for me to share these things with perfect strangers than the people closest to me. Just like I'd rather get feedback on my writing from these strangers (you guys, even though I'm getting to know you all better and am becoming friends with you) than share it with the people in my life. Maybe because their opinions matter so much to me I don't want them to feel obligatd to say nice things. You guys don't have that problem, and even with my growing friendships online, I know that we all share a mutual respect for writing, so I know that you are much too kind to give me false positive feedback. And at the end of the day, I REALLY want honest opinions on what is and isn't working in my writing. So, sorry about this long post, but I just thought it was time to come to terms with the lie in my life. Some day I'll be able to share these things with the rest of my family, but for now I enjoy writing my thoughts in the darkened corner of my basement, without everyone knowing what I'm doing. Sometimes it's good to have a secret just for yourself. Did any of what I just wrote make any sense to you guys? If so, I'd like to hear your stories about coming out of the writing closet.
Okay, I'm done. I also wanted to let you all know Steph Sinkhorn does a weekly post called The Query Doctor for anyone needing help with...well, their query letter. I sent mine over last week and she gave me some awesome feedback. I'm going to send her my revamped version later to see what else she thinks I can improve upon. So, follow the link to her blog, Maybe Genius, if you need another pair of eyes to help with your query.
Hope you guys have a wonderful week! I'll be back on Wednesday for that book review and to possibly share some more incoherent thoughts.