I've wanted to be a writer since I was little, and began to understand that I could actually make up my own stories instead of having to read the boring ones assigned to me in school. But as I got older I put that desire aside because it wasn't 'realistic'. I attempted to write again in college, but found myself floundering in self criticism. It wasn't until my second kiddo was six months old that I started to seriously write again. Why? There was a story that had been gnawing away at my imagination for some years, and I knew if I didn't get it down, sooner or later it would drive me to insanity.
So, with the self doubt ever looming to chop me to bits, I began my journey. A month later the idea for Fire and Ice came in to play (yes, I am one of those annoying writers that NEEDS to work on more than one project at a time in order to sustain my writing mind). A couple months into the writing gig I decided it was time to do some research, because...well, I thought I might actually try and publish something some day. It was then that I came across those two dreaded words: query letter. I'd never heard of such a thing, but looked into and naively thought 'it can't be that hard'(if only I knew!). After the initial search,I wanted to know more about the market. I learned of trends, what was selling what was not, how difficult it is to get an agent (pretty much near impossible according to quite a few people), all those things that wrench your heart with fear and crush your confidence with reality. I realized the story I was working on, the one I loved, was going to be a hard sell, especially in the YA market(it's a scifi/fantasy).
I never once thought of writing for adults, I've always known that YA is my niche. So did I want to make my characters older for a better chance at publishing? Not really. The story didn't work if the characters were older. So, with reluctance in every click of the keyboard, I disembarked from my story. It was hard, but I knew that it just wasn't the right time for it. I focused instead on Fire and Ice. I don't believe in writing for trends (although my previous few sentences might suggest otherwise). Every so often a story so different from what's 'hot' at the moment will come along and make us rethink the whole market when it exceeds expectations with its success. Knowing this, I still didn't feel that it was the right time for my story.
Over the last few years I've started and shelved several projects. Such is the way of the writer. But that one story is always nearest to my heart. Why? Because I love the characters, the world that they live in, their journey. But most of all I love it because it got me writing again. This story might never see the light of day, but I'll never be able to fully let go of it because of that reason. Every now and then I'll open up the document and work on it, just for fun. At first it was hard to put it away, but it became easier over the years. Especially once I started to fall in love with Fire and Ice, and once I realized I had more than just one story in me. I have MANY (maybe too many. I'm a little ADD with the amount of projects I try to take on at once). In end I'm happy with where I am as a writer. I'll continue to grow and learn. Some day I might even land an agent. And maybe, just maybe, a day will come when this story can finally spread its wings and fly into the hands of an eager reader.