The Right Way To Write

Personally, I don't think there is a wrong way to write. But I've heard or read in other places that you should treat writing just like any other job. Set a schedule from 9-5, or whatever works for you, and go at it. This may be feasible for some, but not at all for me. And not for other writers who have other full-time jobs either in or out of the home (yes, stay at home mom is a job). Honestly, I'm kind of glad writing isn't a full-time gig, because for me, treating it as a job might take some of that magic away. There are times when days will pass and I won't get more than a few minutes here and there to make that magic work,  and I sort of wish it was a job, but more the most part I love having freedom and flexibility in my writing schedule. And I wouldn't trade having my kids around driving me nuts for anything.

However, with all that said, I do look forward to the day when I have deadlines to meet because that means I accomplished one of my goals, but until then I'll enjoy the sweetness of setting my own schedule, or lack of one. What about you guys, is writing your full-time job, or do you just have a specific time you try to write, or are you like me and just fit it anywhere?

Finding Your Voice

Not every character is the same. Not every story is told the same way. There are books that seem light but have darker undercurrents. Books that uplift you, that are quirky and completely their own thing. Which is why it's so important to find the perfect tone for your story. Sometimes it can take a while to hit that perfect stride, but I promise, if you keep at it, you'll find just the right way to tell your story. The authors I admire most are great at conveying the mood of their book through various methods, the way a character speaks, the setting, the prose.

 Take the Hex Hall series by Rachel Hawkins for example. It's a fun read, Sophie is a character full of hilarious inner dialogue and witty comebacks dealing with some seriously messed up stuff. If you look at the story just as 'fun', you'll miss the deeper issues taking place, such as the abandonment Sophie feels because of her father, not being able to trust the guy she loves, the secret her mother keeps from her, anger, fear- all those things are there. The setting is a perfect background for all the crazy that unfolds, but it doesn't overwhelm the reader or the story. Sophie never loses the thing that makes her her while she's at Hex Hall, because it's her voice that makes the story.

Then there's The Scorpio Races by Maggie Stievfater, a book where the setting sets up the mood in a major way. It's a freaking island where angry, murderous horses wash up and try to eat you for crying out loud. It's the perfect place to establish the tone of the book. You know right away that this place is dark, that dreams die beside the harsh reality of the island's life. In this story it's not necessarily Puck or Sean showing us the bleakness of the island's history or the fear of what's ahead in the race, it's the island itself that carries the story, that molds how the story is told. Sean and Puck are just a way for us to be introduced to the island, the eyes that help us to experience Thisby.

It's important for the author to establish the tone and voice of the story within the first few sentences. It's also important that it continues throughout the book, consistency is key. And it can be hard to get the hang of it at times, but once you get into the groove of things, the story really takes off. It's also important to be honest and genuine with the story, don't force it to be something it's not meant to be. A lot of times a book will feel flat or fizzle because there's too much going on, the reader doesn't connect because they feel overwhelmed. Like I said, it can take time to figure out the perfect way to tell the story, but the end result is worth the trial and error. And the reader will thank you for taking your time to tell a story only you could have in the most authentic way possible. No forcing or pushing involved.

Genuine Insecurities

Sometimes I think I talk too much. That I laugh way too loud at a joke. I worry that I'm one someone who likes to talk and not really listen people, that I enjoy the sound of my own voice. I can get loud in certain settings. Well, mainly when I'm around people I'm truly comfortable with. I enjoy swapping stories with people, but maybe I tend to overshare. Those are things that start to come to mind AFTER I leave a social setting. While I'm there I get so caught up in the moment I never stop to overanalyze something I said or something someone else said. These are insecurities that come to the surface after the storm has left a village ravaged (or in my case, after I've talked my head off and quite possibly hogged a conversation). But they're not enough to make me stop being me. I try to be more concious of what I say and do around others, but for the most part I shrug it off. I figure it's too late, what was said was said, what I did is done, and there's nothing more I can do about it. If I inadvertently hurt someone's feelings I'm more than happy to apologize.

When it comes to my writing all I seem to carry around with me are my insecurities. While I'm lost in the throes of a great scene these insecurities don't seem to plague me. It's after, much like with my social awkwardness fears, that they come to life. But unlike those, I can't seem to escape my writing insecurities. They keep me up at night. They make me doubt myself. They make me feel like less than I am.

Okay, I know I'm not a BAD writer, but does that mean I'm any good? There's no real way to overcome these insecurites. Even when someone compliments me on my writing, I tend to ignore it, instead focusing on all the things I'm NOT doing right. It's incredibly frustrating, but I think this is something that plagues all of us writers, for better or for worse. It's what drives us to be better. The truth is that you'll never get down things down on paper the way you view them in your head. It'll always be a little off. That's not necessarily a bad thing. Often what I put on paper molds itself into something I didn't even think possible. When I started Fire and Ice, I never imagined that I could create a world with so much magic to it. With Cursed I'm finding that sometimes the bad guy isn't really the bad guy. What we started with in our heads turns into something more meaningful. I think so, anyway. It's just a simple outline of a map that shapes into something more concrete as we go along.

So, with that said, I'm still insecure with my writing. I don't think I'll ever not be. But I love that I've come to accept my writing for what it is. It may be flawed, but those flaws add up to something I didn't even imagine could take place. And of course there's this thing called editing. If nothing else, you know if a scene isn't exactly where you want it to be you can go back and erase it. Very unlike the mistakes you make in life.

Writing Before It Melts Away

Did I mention that it snowed here last week? Like for realz snowed? I think it was about five inches or more. It was fun. My hubby took a half day at work so he could play with the kids in said snow. Wet, white cold fluffies don't make it around here often. But when they do we take full advantage of the situation. We made a snowman. And he was HUGE. However, by the time 5 o'clock rolled around it was warming up and raining. Slowly the Snowman began to tilt to the side just a bit, the 'neck' holding his heavy head in place breaking. The torso followed suit, and pretty soon there was nothing but the base. And that too didn't last very long. I'm so glad we took the time to take kids out in the snow before it was some sad distant memory of 'remember when?'

How is this like writing? Sometimes we get these ideas that make us jump up and down, giddy with excitement because of just how awesome they are. We then sit down and start jotting down plot, scenes, character information. It's that wave of freshness that leaves us energized. Then, after some time, that jazzed feeling starts to fizzle. Just a bit at first, sort of like that snowman's neck starting to slip to the side. We begin to doubt the story, ourselves, EVERYTHING. Why did I want to write this? We question. I am so NOT good enough to give life to this story, we say to ourselves. My life is in ruins! we yell to the universe. (The last one's a bit drastic, but I think we've all been there). And pretty soon there's nothing left in the writing but a big, slushy, wet mess of nonsense.

How do we overcome this crippling situation? We get over it. Yeah, I know. But HOW to get over it, is the real question. And there's no easy answer. I've started and stopped I don't even know how many stories. Then came this point. I'm not sure when it hit, but when it did it made me free. I WANTED to finish that story that'd lost the spark. Why? Because I needed to prove to myself that I could finish something. Anything, really. Even though that story won't be seeing the light of day any time soon, it gave me a sense of accomplishment. I know that it's almost necessary to give up on a project from time to time in this writing gig, but don't do it because of doubt. Do it because you gave it everything and there's nothing left in you to give. Be proud of what you put in, even if nothing comes of it. And then, when the time comes, use it for scrap parts. (I've been known to do that from time to time.) But make sure at the end of the darkened tunnel of lost inspiration that you're satisfied with what you did. Even if it's half done, be happy that you gave it your all.

Shelving a Project You Love

I've wanted to be a writer since I was little, and began to understand that I could actually make up my own stories instead of having to read the boring ones assigned to me in school. But as I got older I put that desire aside because it wasn't 'realistic'. I attempted to write again in college, but found myself floundering in self criticism. It wasn't until my second kiddo was six months old that I started to seriously write again. Why? There was a story that had been gnawing away at my imagination for some years, and I knew if I didn't get it down, sooner or later it would drive me to insanity.

So, with the self doubt ever looming to chop me to bits, I began my journey. A month later the idea for Fire and Ice came in to play (yes, I am one of those annoying writers that NEEDS to work on more than one project at a time in order to sustain my writing mind). A couple months into the writing gig I decided it was time to do some research, because...well, I thought I might actually try and publish something some day. It was then that I came across those two dreaded words: query letter. I'd never heard of such a thing, but looked into and naively thought 'it can't be that hard'(if only I knew!). After the initial search,I wanted to know more about the market. I learned of trends, what was selling what was not, how difficult it is to get an agent (pretty much near impossible according to quite a few people), all those things that wrench your heart with fear and crush your confidence with reality. I realized the story I was working on, the one I loved, was going to be a hard sell, especially in the YA market(it's a scifi/fantasy).

I never once thought of writing for adults, I've always known that YA is my niche. So did I want to make my characters older for a better chance at publishing? Not really. The story didn't work if the characters were older. So, with reluctance in every click of the keyboard, I disembarked from my story. It was hard, but I knew that it just wasn't the right time for it. I focused instead on Fire and Ice. I don't believe in writing for trends (although my previous few sentences might suggest otherwise). Every so often a story so different from what's 'hot' at the moment will come along and make us rethink the whole market when it exceeds expectations with its success. Knowing this, I still didn't feel that it was the right time for my story.

Over the last few years I've started and shelved several projects. Such is the way of the writer. But that one story is always nearest to my heart. Why? Because I love the characters, the world that they live in, their journey. But most of all I love it because it got me writing again. This story might never see the light of day, but I'll never be able to fully let go of it because of that reason. Every now and then I'll open up the document and work on it, just for fun. At first it was hard to put it away, but it became easier over the years. Especially once I started to fall in love with Fire and Ice, and once I realized I had more than just one story in me. I have MANY (maybe too many. I'm a little ADD with the amount of projects I try to take on at once). In end I'm happy with where I am as a writer. I'll continue to grow and learn. Some day I might even land an agent. And maybe, just maybe, a day will come when this story can finally spread its wings and fly into the hands of an eager reader.

NaNo Update and Doubt

Word Count: 13,684 Editing: 95% done

I've been experiencing sluggishness and self-doubt. As authors, we often have these symptoms, sort of like the Circle of Authorship. It's almost a rite of passage. When you do this job (and yes it is a job, so stop stifling that laugh in your sleeve you in the back) it's difficult to keep things in order. There is no specific set of skills that one needs in order to succeed in it. Well, you do have to be willing to sit your butt down and work and be passionate about it (passion is very key), but other than that you don't need much else. There's no test to gage our moral compass. We don't have to share an experience where we had to overcome a difficult work situation involving a hostile co-worker(unless you count yourself as that hostile person).In these times of confidence crushing moments, we have to remind ourselves why it is we do what we do. Because we love it.

You know what makes these times even worse? Comparing yourself to someone else. Let's be honest, this is a waste of time. All authors are unique. Each of us has our own way of telling a story. A way of conveying a mood or scene. Getting yourself down because you can't write like someone else is pointless. Can you imagine if Stephen King had written the Hunger Game trilogy? (And yes I'm using The Hunger Games in lieu of all the frenzy everyone is in over the trailer). It would not be the same masterful piece of work it now is. I'm sure Mr. King would have thrown in a haunted house or monsterous alien creature in there somewhere, or some other supernatural element, because he's really good at those things. But he didn't write it, Suzanne Collins did. And I can't imagine anyone else doing it. Do I wish that my prose was as beautiful and purposeful as Maggie Stiefvater's? Yes. But it isn't. And that's her thing, it's what she's known for. Do I wish that everything that came out of my characters' mouths were as witty and sarcastic as the ones from Cassandra Clare's Mortal Instruments Series? Of course! I don't know how that woman comes up with such fun exchanges, but she's way good at it. You know the great thing about reading? You can learn from it. How awesome is that we get to read in order to learn? This is the best job ever! We may not be able to get it ALL right, but we can get better at it by enjoying someone else's work, and practicing our own. If I can't write it, at least I can take enjoyment in reading it.

At the end of the day we have to remind ourselves that we are who we are, and we write the way we write. You may hate the way a sentence sounds right now, but you can always go back and change it. That's the great thing about writing and editing.

Nothing is going be as perfect as you envision it in your head. Writing is a continual learning process. I don't think there will ever come a day when one of us says "Finally, I know ALL the things!I'm the master of my craft!' And if you do, more than likely it probably sucks. Yes, there are days when I think "All of this is garbage, who would ever want to read it?' And others where I think "Hey, this isn't half bad.' I don't think I will ever get to the point where I think it's great or even good. But that's the burden we writers carry with us. It's our job to be self deprecating. It keeps us going. And if you have one of these Circle of Authorship moments, make sure you have people around you to keep you going. Encouragement is huge in this industry. We feed off of it. Criticism is helpful, too. But with self-doubt continually looming over our heads like that one grade school teacher that never cut you a break, we need support. So, I support all of you. And I hope you'll support me. I'm not going to wallow in misery, I'll rise above it. Sometimes it just takes time. I'll get back to writing in order to make it more presentable. And some day I'll share it with all of you. Thanks for sticking around!

Tell Me What You Want, What You Really Really Want

No, this post isn't about my love for the Spice Girls, which I have mentioned once before, and despite the fact that there is talk of another reunion. It just so happens that the lyrics from their famous hit "wannabe" fit perfectly with what I want to discuss today.

I'm curious, I want to know what you, as writers AND readers, want more or less of in the market. Here's the thing, I don't write for trends, I write what I'm most passionate about. I will say that when I first began writing I worked on a Vampire story. Not in the trend we've recently seen where the girl falls for a Vamp, but rather the whole "wow these are bad mothereffers and we better haul a** if we don't want to end up as soulless, blood sucking monsters." I shelved the idea after the fire fizzled out. It's still an interesting concept because I really want to see more creeptastic vampire stories, but I have other projects that are calling to me right now.

Here's what I would like to see represented more often in the books I read:
- Boys with feelings. What's wrong with the guy who cares, who doesn't act like a douche one second and a witty charmer the next just because he can? Sure he may have daddy issues (and maybe a few mommy ones) but that doesn't mean he can't be nice. That's not to say I want a guy who cries every time he watches The Notebook, but someone who feels and cares enough to be there. I hate it when the nice guy gets pushed aside for the cocky jerk. Ladies, there's nothing wrong with going for the guy who treats you with respect.
- I also want more smart girls. A girl who gets good grades, that isn't labeled as a nerd for arming herself with knowledge, a girl who can kick butt and save the guy every now and then. I've heard so many complaints about Mary Sues, and I second that proposal to stop the insanity. A girl can be awesome way before a boy walks into her life. Adding some eye candy can just be a plus.
- I'll be the first to admit that I'm a sucker for romance. I'm much more likely to enjoy a story if there's some kissing involved, but let the characters fall in love over time. They can be attracted to each other before L-O-V-E factor comes into play, but saying "I love you" after only a week or month, and sometimes even a day of knowing each other isn't realistic. Work with the tension, the growing feelings, I think the pay off is much better when you take this route.
-Maybe you don't care about any of these things but would much rather see a specific genre represented. I love sci-fi and high fantasy and there's not enough in the YA market. And of course, books targeted for boys.
Okay, so maybe I missed something that you feel very strongly about, I want to know what that is. So, I ask again, what do YOU want, what do you REALLY REALLY want?

Living A Lie and The Query Doctor

Not many people know I'm a writer. Even fewer know about this blog. I'd like to say it's because I'm a private person, but really it's because I'm afraid of being judged by others. You know that look you get when you tell people you're a writer? The one of skepticism that is followed by some eye rolling. I'm proud to be a writer, it took me a long time to even admit to myself that I was one, but I don't feel like sharing that with every person I come in contact with.

Generally I don't trust people enough to tell them something that's so close to my heart. It's not that I have some wall around me (although, I guess some people may take my looks as hostile. Honestly though, I never even realize I'm giving a certain look to people because I have so many of them)but I'm the kind of person that once I let someone into my life, they're there to stay. That's not to say I'll follow them around, threatening their lives if they decide to leave, but they'll always be in my thoughts. I often find myself wondering about a close friend from my past that I haven't talked to in years, hoping that they found some happiness and are doing well in their own lives. Every now and then I call my friends back East to see how they're doing, but not often.

I'm loyal to a fault. If a friend of mine, one of the ones I don't really keep in contact with, were to call me for help I'd be there for them. It's just who I am. That's why once I fell in love, I stayed in love.

When I first started writing, I didn't tell ANYONE. My husband accidently stumbled upon me sneaking on the computer for a chance to put some words on paper and I finally had to confess what I was doing. Then I told my mother-in-law, because she's an incredibly supportive person and I knew she wouldn't look down on me, or make me feel ridiculous for finally chasing that dream I had put on hold years before. Soon after word spread in our family (as it does in most, like wildfire) and I wish that it hadn't. This was mainly due to my husband's big mouth, I love him, but sometimes when he opens his mouth things come out that I'm not expecting. Why do I wish that they hadn't? There are people in my family that I take no issue in knowing that I write, for example my sister, my mom and dad, my brother, a couple of my sister-in-laws (my husband comes from a family of six kids, he's the youngest and the fifth boy, so I have MANY sister-in-laws) and a few of my brother-in-laws. There are some I wish didn't know simply because our relationships aren't very strong, and they are the kind of people who do the roll eye thing when they find out. And I'm sure they don't have much faith in my ability to do anything other than talk SUPER DUPER fast (Seriously, I am a REALLY fast talker, especially when I get going on something that really interests me). The ONLY people that know about this blog are my husband and mother-in-law. I don't think I'll be divulging that information any time soon, and I'm going to make sure my husband doesn't either.

These are my private thoughts as I pursue a career in writing. It's often easier for me to share these things with perfect strangers than the people closest to me. Just like I'd rather get feedback on my writing from these strangers (you guys, even though I'm getting to know you all better and am becoming friends with you) than share it with the people in my life. Maybe because their opinions matter so much to me I don't want them to feel obligatd to say nice things. You guys don't have that problem, and even with my growing friendships online, I know that we all share a mutual respect for writing, so I know that you are much too kind to give me false positive feedback. And at the end of the day, I REALLY want honest opinions on what is and isn't working in my writing. So, sorry about this long post, but I just thought it was time to come to terms with the lie in my life. Some day I'll be able to share these things with the rest of my family, but for now I enjoy writing my thoughts in the darkened corner of my basement, without everyone knowing what I'm doing. Sometimes it's good to have a secret just for yourself. Did any of what I just wrote make any sense to you guys? If so, I'd like to hear your stories about coming out of the writing closet.

Okay, I'm done. I also wanted to let you all know Steph Sinkhorn does a weekly post called The Query Doctor for anyone needing help with...well, their query letter. I sent mine over last week and she gave me some awesome feedback. I'm going to send her my revamped version later to see what else she thinks I can improve upon. So, follow the link to her blog, Maybe Genius, if you need another pair of eyes to help with your query.
Hope you guys have a wonderful week! I'll be back on Wednesday for that book review and to possibly share some more incoherent thoughts.

Hidden Enemy

You know when they say that the only thing standing in the way of your success is yourself? Well, there's a reason for it, because it's true. Going through my work, rebuilding scenes, creating new ones, I came to the realization that I am my own worst enemy. There's no one out there wishing for my failure (well, maybe there is, but I just don't know it), but even so, it's not like they have any control over whether or not I succeed. That, my friend, is entirely up to me. Laziness can be a big factor keeping me from my dream, along with morning sickness, but the power is in my hands. I can make the choice to get up every day and either put in the hard work and push myself, or sit on the couch and moan and complain about the unfairness of it all. In this industry luck can be a big factor in if you get that six figure deal, or a more reasonable pay day, or yet another rejection. But what's wrong with making our own luck? When things fall apart people like to say, 'everything happens for a reason' but here's the thing, NOTHING is going to happen unless you make it happen. You're not going to get that dream job unless you apply for it, you aren't going to win the lottery without a ticket, and you sure aren't going to be published if you don't sit your behind down on the chair and type your little heart out. YOU are in control of your fate, take it in your hands and make something happen. Disclaimer: results may vary. It might take you over a hundred queries before you land an agent, or only fifteen (if only I were THAT lucky) but it'll happen. Sooner or later, if you put in the work, practiced your craft daily and got better, read a lot of books, immersed yourself in writing, it will happen. I'm not sure where my journey is leading me, I have no clue if I'll ever get to the point where my work is published, but I have faith that no matter what, I'm doing what makes me happy. I won't give up. I'm going to make my own luck.

Writing and Television

So last night were the Emmys and Modern Family was the big winner of the night and I have to say that that made me happy, especially Ty Burrell's win as Phil Dunphy, who just happens to be my husband's hero, everything that man does on the show is like gold to my husband. And I was beyond ecstatic that Kyle Chandler won an Emmy for his role on Friday Night Lights, a favorite of mine. I may have mentioned this before but I totes crushed on Coach Taylor when I watched that show, he is perfect. The only thing I was disappointed in was that Steve Carell was snubbed, I love Michael Scott and cried on his final episode on the Office, he deserved the win. Okay, I watch way too much TV, I think I've established that fact by now, but it was fun watching Jane Lynch host and laugh out loud at some of the antics, especially when Andy Samburg and his crew took over the stage (anyone else get a kick out of the William H. Macy scene?).

Okay, moving on...I could probably continue by breaking down all the fashion hits and misses (Nina Doberav killed it...Amy Poehlar not so much), but I'll spare you.

I did get some work done on the writing front. No, I did not spend all weekend watching celebrities get ready for award season, as much as my post points to the contrary. I did some outlining along with working out some of the other minor details ( minor meaning trying to name my characters...the witch has a name, so does the leading lady's love interest, but I'm still struggling to find the perfect name match for the protagonist). I am not the most organized of writer, I kind of jump in head first and work out the details later on, which is probably why it took me so (embarrassingly) long to finish the first draft of The Circle of Elements. I'm not going to make that mistake again. I'm excited about this project, and isn't that always nice? What about all of you, what kind of writers are you? Organizers that would give Martha Stewart a run for her money, or do you just jump right into the story? I don't think there's a right or wrong way to write a story, as long as you get it done in a reasonable amount of time and are proud of what you created, that's all that matters.

Writing Tantrums

Ever had one of these suckers? You're plodding along, things are going pretty smooth, the prose is working, your plot is actually coming together, and then-boom! You have no idea where to go next, and you're yelling at yourself for not knowing better, you're writing like crazy, but quite frankly, everything you write sounds like a bunch of regurgitated junk. Your entire manuscript now seems uneven and sounds false, and all you want to do is lay down on the ground, kick your feet and fists, and cry screaming words of frustration. Yeah, I think all writers have been there. And I myself, with three kids on hand, have had to deal with actual tantrums in the middle of the store which are not nearly as frustrating as the one I have in my head from writer's block.

It's to be expected, but how do we get over the hump? Here are a few little things that have helped me in the past.

1. Start on another project- sometimes the only way to have a breakthrough on a current work is to take your mind away to another place.

2. Step back- take some time off from the writing thing. Your mind might just be on the edge of a break down. Go for a walk, play with your kids, just clear your head

3. Read- other author's works can inspire you in ways you didn't think possible. Maybe you read something really crappy and you realize it is your calling in life to create something less crappy for readers. Maybe you read something fantastic and your competitive side is stirred and you want to write something as good if not better.

4. Eat lots of junk- it can be sweet or salty, as long as it gets those endorphins going.

5. Watch t.v. or a movie- Or maybe a made for t.v. movie, it'll get you thinking, how did this piece of sh** ever get to the point where people thought ' huh, this ain't half bad.' Seriously, have you ever seen a Lifetime Movie Channel movie, like ever? Storylines from movies and t.v. can also help you to see a plot twist that perhaps wasn't working before or seems cheesy. All the different twists that come along may help you to realize that you don't have nearly as much in your own work, or may have you laughing so hard at the ridiculousness that you pee in your pants (not that that's ever happened to me).

6. Sleep- your brain can't function if it isn't fully rested, just like the rest of you. Just get some rest. This is by far my favorite because sleeping is my favorite activity of all time. For some reason the greatest ideas come to me right before I'm about to slumber off into my heavenly state of rest. Tip: Keep a paper and pen on hand just in case.

7. Listen to some music- How many writers do you know that don't listen to something while they're working at some point or another? Music can soothe your soul and create visions of scenes that you didn't even think imaginable. I love getting lost in a good song almost as much as I love getting lost in a good book.

Okay, that's it for now. I hope this is helpful to some of you. This list is actually longer than I ever intended it to be, so if you stop halfway through I'll understand. Just keep on writing your little hearts out and don't give up and before you know it you'll get there.

Writing Through the Nausea

The amount of illness that has overtaken our home for the last month plus is really starting to irritate me...and my son hasn't even started school! I was under the impression that grade school kids usually bring home the germs with them from their classmates, but why is it that we're all puking when he's never even stepped foot in his school since registration back in March? I'm getting kind of grumpy about it. Honestly, I can't remember the last time we are all this sick, in fact, my husband has NEVER been this sick.

To top it off, my poor mother-in-law is in town and she also caught the little bugger. I'm hoping all is well by tomorrow because that's when me and the hubby are going to the Michael Buble concert, which I am SO estatic about. I love his style of singing, how he's managed to blend the classics (Frank Sinatra, Tony Bennett, etc) with his own contemporary stuff.

But the real reason I'm writing this post is because as I've been sitting around, trying to ignore the nausea, I've been able to do some writing. So, I guess it's kind of a good thing? No, I'm pretty sure I would have been writing even if I was well. Right now I'm just trying to write through the sickness. I also entered a contest over on Becky Wallace's blog a few weeks back to have my story critiqued by her awesome editing powers. Alas, I didn't win, but she did say she would critique your query letter if you weren't chosen, and she is a woman of her word. I got mine back yesterday and I am so grateful for the time she took to look over it and for the advice she gave- I've already started to tweak my query and it's looking so much better than before.

Okay, I have some housework that needs attention. Here's hoping that our house full of sickos recovers soon.

Working Hard

So trying to finish the first draft of one novel while editing another sucks. My mind is a little bit mushy, like overcooked spaghetti. I truly enjoy what I do, but it's hard, and I'm nowhere near being a published author..yet. I know there's a reason I'm putting in the work, because some day it will pay off, it's just hard to remember this at times. On the bright side I've already made some changes to my finished novel and wrote another couple thousand on my draft. It gets a little confusing, but I think I'm holding up alright. Now I should get back to work, there's only so much time that I can dedicate to writing with three little ones and with the husband out of town, it's even harder to find the time.

Brain Break

I think it's important to give your brain a break when you're writing. Turning off your imagination is nearly impossible (it is for my, anyway) but I think in order for my cluttered thoughts to gather and make collective sense I need to take time off. It's difficult for me to find time to write during the weekends because A. the hubby's at home and wants to go do fun stuff so sitting at home on the laptop is not an option and B. I also look forward to weekend for a break. This past weekend while I was on said 'break' a lot of the plotlines I wasn't so sure about started to thread together and make sense. I immediately opened up a new doc. and started to type where these thoughts were going. I didn't dive into writing entire scenes or anything, but just jotting down where your mind is taking you is important. Especially when you have three kids and a husband to distract you from these all important thoughts that are likely to disappear if you don't put them down somewhere, otherwise days full of dirty dishes, laundry, fighting kids, and general life hysteria can keep these ideas from taking shape and molding into something great. See what I mean about giving your brain a break? If you take the time to step away and enjoy life often times you'll find that things just start to make more sense. Well, my break is over and I need to get back to work. I'm excited now that I know what it is my character wants me to tell.

Sick Of Being Sick

This is the second time in two months that I've gotten sick. It is particularly upsetting since the last time I got sick before that was over a year ago. Not fun. And add Father's Day to the nose blowing, lung coughing, head spinning symptoms and things were sure to end on a sickly note. My poor husband, I felt awful. I did wake up to cook him a Father's Day breakfast, but I couldn't do much of anything after that. My daughter had been up the last few nights with a fever, so that was one more added stress factor. But all in all, it wasn't too bad of a day. The Hubby played video games with the boys (Mario Kart is awesome and so addicting), got chinese for dinner, and got to lounge around all day because I couldn't go anywhere. All in all I'm just glad that it's over that I can get on with this whole recovery thing I hear so much about.

On another note, I haven't written anything down in several days and it's starting to get to me. I've been so distracted with my own mind and after a while it really starts to bogg you down. Doubts are flying around everywhere, I'm trying to figure out what to cut from my finished story, where I'm trying to go with my current WIP, wondering if a day will ever come when my book will be published, all these thoughts are truly draining. And let's add another mess to it all- I'm thinking about having another baby. Yeah, that pretty much trumps everything else. I'm scared to death of those first few sleepless and exhausting months, but I adore my children so much and I know that they're worth it. But the hardest part for me is pregnancy. My hormones are in such a rage that I make the wicked witch of the west look like freakin mary poppins. I know, I can be a little scary. My favorite part of pregnancy is labor, because when I'm at the hospital I  know I'm in good hands with the nurses and my doctor and I know that the whole miserable 40 weeks is finally coming to an end. I don't know, I want another one, but it's terrifying.

Okay, I'm really going to try and write despite the jumbled mess that is my mind. I love it and sometimes it's the only way I can escape said jumbled thoughts. And I'm really getting into my current WIP. I think I'm going to take another little while off with my other story to get my head screwed on straight. If i take that time, maybe those glaring mistakes and loose ends will be easier to spot. Here's to hoping for a good writing week!

Grounded

Ever heard the term 'go big or go home'? Well, this applies to us writer's and our stories, but not the end result of finishing a book. This can be discounted becauseVERY few of us 'go big'. And it has nothing to do with our efforts in trying to get published. Most of it is out of our hands. Kinda scary, but that's reality. I've really grounded myself in my expectations for the future. I was impatient to get going in the whole publishing game, but having stepped back and taken a look at the big picture, I realize that I don't need to rush everything. Yes I will continue to query, but not having results in an amount of time that I deem appropriate isn't an issue anymore. Agents are busy, some may never respond to me, and I get how hard it is to respond in a fashionably late amount of time.

Right now I want to focus on cleaning up my query. I think mine is good, but I want it to be great, which means...REVISING! I'm also taking another look over my manuscript. It's a little too long at this point and I'm trying to figure out what I can take out without compromising the storyline. I also have a fellow writer who is also taking a look at it for me, along with my brother-in-law who is also a writer. When I first started this journey I was told that you would need an outside look in order to see the mistakes. I scoffed at this, thinking that I would know exactly what to do when the time came. Boy was I wrong. It's always helpful to have a helping hand point out your mistakes, whether they be run on sentences, an egregious amount of comma use, dialogue that doesn't move a scene along, and overdescriptive scenes or the lack thereof.

I want to be successful in my endeavors, especially this one. I believe in my story and I know that it would appeal to the group that I want to market it towards, I just need to find someone that believes in it as much as I do. It may take a while, but like I said before- I'm learning this thing called patience, and I'm prepared for the possibly long journey ahead of me. Meanwhile, I will continue with my other WIP and improve on my writing. I will also be doing a lot of reading this summer for...you know...'research purposes'. The best part of being a writer is that you can sit down and read a great book and call it that. I wish everyone else that is following along on this path luck. I hope that your dreams come true, and that one day I'll join you in the ranks as a published author.

Starting A Project

I'm always fascinated to learn of how other writers begin their projects. I read a post where an author shared that a scene will come to mind and she'll explore it by creating a playlist. Others may just sit for hours before something finally comes to them. Then there are those that see something that sparks the flame of exploration. For me, it starts with that one scene. The scene that you build the rest of the story around. For my current WIP, it started with the idea of serendipity and fate, how chance plays a role in our every day interactions. Then all the other magical stuff came in, because that's just how my mind works. Another story that I find myself drawn to started with the loss of everything, kind of like Job in the Bible. And much like Job, who lost his family and friends, and wealth, what if you were surrounded by those things every day and had no way of getting them back. That constant reminder of what you once had haunting every part of your life, of not being able to escape it. I have many different stories that are on the back burner, and more to come through, but it's that one moment in the book that starts you on the path of discovery. We don't go into a story knowing where it'll lead us, or how it's going to end, it's an adventure of self discovery, not only for the characters but also for the writers. That's what I love about writing, I can explore those 'what ifs' that are constantly bombarding me and realize the true meaning of what is behind that wall of mystery. What works best for me to continue in the discovery is a quiet, darkened space, with the recorded sounds of the ocean waves sliding onto the sandy beaches, bouncing around in the room. For some reason I get my best ideas as I'm about to fall asleep. The recipe is just perfect for inspiration, and I've found that if I'm struggling with a scene, all I have to do is go into my bedroom and just lie there while our sound machine is going, close my eyes and mind off to the chaos of the world, and the scene will begin to unfold and I'll know exactly what to do next. Sometimes I'll replay one scene over and over again, studying every movement of the characters involved, or the landscape of said scene and how the colors change in variation to the mood, and it'll just take over without me knowing what's going to happen next. It's a pretty awesome process, and I love living in my head sometimes because some of those things are so beautiful that you find it difficult to leave and separate yourself. The movie 'Inception' comes to mind. Anyway, I find that I'm kind of rambling on, so I'll go. Some time I'll have to tell you about how my dad came to be friends with Leonardo DiCaprio- true story. For now, I'll just say adios!

Rejection

It's part of the business, right? You're only dreaming if you think that every agent you query is going to immediately fall in love with your work. It's not that easy, and that's pretty much the impossible dream. I have a few queries floating around the World Wide Web, sitting in the computer of an agent that might possibly end up representing me, waiting patiently (or not) with all those other queries that carry the dream of their author in their words, and it's a little scary. First off, does my query suck? I don't know, I don't think it does, but it's quite possible. Second of all, I would very much like a rejection, even a form rejection, rather than the silence. It may be that the agent is too busy making someone else's dream come true to worry about mine, but it's hard not hearing back. I have recieved one official no, but that's alright. At least I can check that one agent off my list. This is going to be a long process, I get that, and I barely started, so I know I've still got a ways to go. Confession: Patience isn't my strong suit. HA! Then again, when is patience someone's strong suit? For anyone out there in the blogosphere that is raising and waving their hands up, screaming 'me!me!me!', I salute you- you are a better (wo)man than I. Okay, time to go. I need to work through this lagging time period- literally.

How Writing Is Like Being Pregnant

Okay, so for all you non-preggos out there, getting pregnant is not like swallowing a whole watermelon at once (although giving birth is living pushing one out). There's a little bit more to it than that. Sometimes it's more subtle- for the lucky ones, anyway. It can start off with a twisting sensation one day (or with you hanging your head over the bowl with gut wrenching vommitting- as it was in my case), gradually turning into an ever increasing flutter that thrums through you, eventually to the hard kicking of the babe as it lodges it's foot into your ribs. At that point all you want is to hold that little baby in your arms and have the whole thing over with, because it's exruciating having to wait, and you feel like you're carrying an entire watermelon in your stomach. Then there's the birthing part. It's painful, agonizing, and you want to scream on the top of your lungs for it to just be over with already (side note: epidural's are like a little piece of heaven). Then you finally hold that baby in your arms- the finished product of an unbearabke process, but it fills you with joy that is like nothing else. As you can tell from the title of this post- this  process is a lot like writing. For some it's more gradual, it starts off with a vague desire (for some it's like the vomitting, the words just start heaving out of you), that grows to a burning sensation (women have to pee A LOT while they're pregnant) then it starts to hit you in the gut, driving you, consuming every part of your life (like the baby consumes your body). All you can think about are those characters and what they would do in certain situations you find yourself in. What kind of food is their favorite? Would they enjoy listening to a little bit of 50 cent? By the way- I have never played 50 cent to any of my babies while I was pregnant- although I have been known to enjoy his musical stylings now and then. It's like that baby that keeps kicking you, bruising your insides. Then you go into labor. This is it- you're done baking that bun in the oven. So you start writing your query letter, sending it to any and all agents that sound like they might be a good fit for your metaphorical baby. Now the next part I am familiar with when it comes to birthing, but is one I have yet to experience in my writing career. You did it, you got yourself an agent- someone who loves your characters almost as much as you do, because let's be honest, no one can love your characters as much as you can. The pushing is like revisions. It makes you want to pull your hair out in frustration and scream because you just want it to be over with (again, I've read of other author's experience with this and it sounds like what I'm writing about). Then out comes that perfect little bundle of joy. You sold your book to a publisher and are now holding your book baby in your hands. And you relish that happiness because it's nothing like what you've experienced before. Now- imagine eighteen years have gone by- wow, that was fast! But in the publishing industry your book is finally released. Now comes the really scary part-judgement. You grew and nourished this child of yours, you loved it, gave it your all, and now other people are going to make judgements about you based on the finished product. It's hard not to take it personally, this is your child (book) after all. But at the end of the day, you love it just the same, no matter what anyone says. I can only imagine the joy that authors experience when they've accomplished such a difficult goal- one that the internet claims is near impossible. For me, I would very much like to finish giving birth, I'm tired of being pregnant with my book. It's time for it to go out there in the world and find some fans.

Why it is the way it is

My days are pretty hectic. I have three little ones that demand (yes, DEMAND) my attention, I have make sure my home doesn't look like the site of a nuclea disaster, provide food for said little ones, make sure they have clean clothes, and that they themselves are clean, and make sure I don't lose my sanity while all of this chaos surrounds me. On top of that I have to find time to write. Actually, I don't HAVE to do anything, but I WANT time to write. In order for this to happen the planets must align perfecly causing the Earth's rotation to...blah blah blah, you get the picture- it's difficult. But I do it anyway, because it's what I love. And i firmly believe that all moms (and non-moms alike- pretty much anyone with a crazy life) deserve so 'me' time. It's not selfish, it's reasonable. Even if it's just fifteen minutes. You  have no idea how incredible those fifteen minutes feel. It's like taking a bite out of the most decadent, moist, delicious chocolate cake (you can change this visual to whatever dessert tickles your fancy, I'm a chocolate gal myself). Okay, truth be told, in order for my life to feel balanced, in order for me to not lose it, in order to feel even more fulfilled than I already do, I make time to write. I get up earlier than my kids, at least an hour, I stay up later than them, I write while they're too distracted to notice my absence- pretty much any opportunity I can get. I grab my laptop, or notebook-which ever is on hand, and start going. Everyone has their own way of doing things, all that matters is that we do it.