Nano Update 3

Sorry about no blog post yesterday. But I was having one of those days, where reality becomes all too real. Life is hard, and it only seems to get harder. I'll admit I shed a few tears, because sometimes crying is the best medicine. Then I wiped them away and put on my big girl panties and told myself to get over it. It may be hard right now, but it'll get better. No, this had nothing to do with my ventures in writing, it was just life telling me to suck it up and deal with it. But I am in a better place and I've been writing. My word count is now at 10,246. I'm proud of myself for moving on. Life is still very real, but it's so nice to have a way of escaping. I love that about writing. The ability to get away to the world you've created in your own head. If nothing else, at least I have my writing. But I'm lucky because that's not the only thing keeping me going. I have a wonderful family and awesome friends. Life is good. The word count hasn't vastly improved since last week, like I had predicted, but it's better than nothing! And I'm way more motivated to get more done. Yesterday I worked on a scene that reminded me why I fell in love with this story in the first place, and felt so strongly about writing it. I'll be back to share a few pictures of what inspired the NaNo project. Other than that, hope all of you participating are typing away at that big 50,000 number. And to everyone else, good luck with any projects you may be working on. Have an awesome day. And please, if life gets to be too much, don't be afraid to cry. It does help...a little.

Living A Lie and The Query Doctor

Not many people know I'm a writer. Even fewer know about this blog. I'd like to say it's because I'm a private person, but really it's because I'm afraid of being judged by others. You know that look you get when you tell people you're a writer? The one of skepticism that is followed by some eye rolling. I'm proud to be a writer, it took me a long time to even admit to myself that I was one, but I don't feel like sharing that with every person I come in contact with.

Generally I don't trust people enough to tell them something that's so close to my heart. It's not that I have some wall around me (although, I guess some people may take my looks as hostile. Honestly though, I never even realize I'm giving a certain look to people because I have so many of them)but I'm the kind of person that once I let someone into my life, they're there to stay. That's not to say I'll follow them around, threatening their lives if they decide to leave, but they'll always be in my thoughts. I often find myself wondering about a close friend from my past that I haven't talked to in years, hoping that they found some happiness and are doing well in their own lives. Every now and then I call my friends back East to see how they're doing, but not often.

I'm loyal to a fault. If a friend of mine, one of the ones I don't really keep in contact with, were to call me for help I'd be there for them. It's just who I am. That's why once I fell in love, I stayed in love.

When I first started writing, I didn't tell ANYONE. My husband accidently stumbled upon me sneaking on the computer for a chance to put some words on paper and I finally had to confess what I was doing. Then I told my mother-in-law, because she's an incredibly supportive person and I knew she wouldn't look down on me, or make me feel ridiculous for finally chasing that dream I had put on hold years before. Soon after word spread in our family (as it does in most, like wildfire) and I wish that it hadn't. This was mainly due to my husband's big mouth, I love him, but sometimes when he opens his mouth things come out that I'm not expecting. Why do I wish that they hadn't? There are people in my family that I take no issue in knowing that I write, for example my sister, my mom and dad, my brother, a couple of my sister-in-laws (my husband comes from a family of six kids, he's the youngest and the fifth boy, so I have MANY sister-in-laws) and a few of my brother-in-laws. There are some I wish didn't know simply because our relationships aren't very strong, and they are the kind of people who do the roll eye thing when they find out. And I'm sure they don't have much faith in my ability to do anything other than talk SUPER DUPER fast (Seriously, I am a REALLY fast talker, especially when I get going on something that really interests me). The ONLY people that know about this blog are my husband and mother-in-law. I don't think I'll be divulging that information any time soon, and I'm going to make sure my husband doesn't either.

These are my private thoughts as I pursue a career in writing. It's often easier for me to share these things with perfect strangers than the people closest to me. Just like I'd rather get feedback on my writing from these strangers (you guys, even though I'm getting to know you all better and am becoming friends with you) than share it with the people in my life. Maybe because their opinions matter so much to me I don't want them to feel obligatd to say nice things. You guys don't have that problem, and even with my growing friendships online, I know that we all share a mutual respect for writing, so I know that you are much too kind to give me false positive feedback. And at the end of the day, I REALLY want honest opinions on what is and isn't working in my writing. So, sorry about this long post, but I just thought it was time to come to terms with the lie in my life. Some day I'll be able to share these things with the rest of my family, but for now I enjoy writing my thoughts in the darkened corner of my basement, without everyone knowing what I'm doing. Sometimes it's good to have a secret just for yourself. Did any of what I just wrote make any sense to you guys? If so, I'd like to hear your stories about coming out of the writing closet.

Okay, I'm done. I also wanted to let you all know Steph Sinkhorn does a weekly post called The Query Doctor for anyone needing help with...well, their query letter. I sent mine over last week and she gave me some awesome feedback. I'm going to send her my revamped version later to see what else she thinks I can improve upon. So, follow the link to her blog, Maybe Genius, if you need another pair of eyes to help with your query.
Hope you guys have a wonderful week! I'll be back on Wednesday for that book review and to possibly share some more incoherent thoughts.

MIA

Sorry I didn't do the usual Five for Friday last week, but I severely lacked energy. I spent most of this weekend curled up on the couch thinking about writing. Not.Fun. And the sad part is last Thursday was my hubby's birthday. In case you're wondering, we didn't do much celebrating. We're postponing any kind of celebration until I feel better. All I have to say is I better be normal by Thanksgiving, or I might just lose it. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, mainly because of the food, but I'm especially excited this year because we might be in LA celebrating! Actually, I hope I'm better by Halloween, I don't want to be miserable while my kids are out trick-or-treating with their cute little selves (and I want to be able to sneak some of their candy). What else happened this weekend? Our college football team is ranked in the top five of the nation and so my husband went to the home game on Saturday (as part of his birthday present), he has season tickets. Now I know some of you may be thinking, who leaves a poor pregnant woman suffering from morning sickness with three kids for the better part of the night? Well, my husband more than made up for leaving me. Our refrigerator was lacking some important components (like food) because I can't stand to go the store, what with all those different smells melding together, it's a recipe for disaster. So, my hubby went shopping for me. And then yesterday he even made dinner! I was pleasantly surprised. I honestly can't remember the last time his version of dinner wasn't going to a drive through. Confession: when my husband and I were dating and first married, he did ALL the cooking. I knew that if I gave it a try I would succeed, how could I not with two parents who are gifted in the culinary department, but it was nice having him take care of it. Then when I got pregnant and was so sick I could no longer work, I took over the kitchen reins. I am no gourmet chef, but I think over the years I have really bloomed as a cook.

Okay, enough of my rambling that has nothing to do with writing, which is the point of this blog. I'll be back on Wednesday (or maybe even tomorrow...the suspense is going to kill you!) to share a contest I recently discovered. I'm also going to attempt the new Campaign Challenge, but with my lack of brain function, that might be the equivalent of me trying to climb Mount Everest. We'll see. Thanks for sticking with me you guys, I promise I'll try to write far more interesting things than my pregnancy turmoil from here on out. Hope all of you had a wonderful, productive weekend!

Weekend Events and Characters

What an exciting and dramatic weekend I had. The events that I am about to share with you are all true. So Friday morning as my husband was getting ready for work he heard screeching tires from outside our driveway. He went to investigate only to see a gray mercury sable hit our garbage can head on, launching it into the air and across the driveway, spewing disgusting trash that had been sitting in there moulding and turning for some time all across our lawn. As you can imagine my husband was pissed. He got on his motorcycle to seek out this deviant jerk, but the suspect had already gotten away. When he got to work, he shared the story with his co-workers and they urged him to call the police to file a complaint, which he did. The impact of the car caused our trash can to split in a few different spots and the police gave my husband the sanitation department's number so we could get another, which would also end up costing around $50. When he first told me what happened that morning I thought, "Oh hells no!" What if one of our kids had been outside when this reckless driver decided to play hit the can with the car? Not only that but there's a Junior High bus stop right in front of our house, and what if one of those kids had been waiting for their ride and this person hadn't seen them? It's scary.

So Saturday night comes around and my husband isn't tired. At around 12:30 he hears another loud 'BOOM'. He runs to look out the window and sees the exact same car hit our trash can again (which we hadn't brought in from the end of our driveway yet.) First off, how stupid do you have to be to return to the scene of the crime? Not only that, but to commit the exact same crime? Yeah, this guy doesn't have all his marbles together, either that or he's just a cocky prick who thinks he can get away with anything. This time my husband jumped into the car and found the culprit parked in front of another house a few doors down from us, dropping off a friend. My husband pulled up in front of the car, jumped out and asked, "What the hell are you doing?" Now my husband isn't a confrontational person by nature, for the most part he likes to stay out of things. If a server brings him out a dish he doesn't like, he usually won't have it sent back because he doesn't want to make a fuss. But this was beyond reason, you can't behave like that in this world and think you can get away with it. The douchebag who was driving acted like he hadn't done a thing. My husband was on the urge of really losing it when he said, "You know what, let's just let the cops deal with this." He proceeded to pull out his phone, took a picture of the guy's license plate, and drove back home. He then proceeded to call the police, told them what had happened, and they sent over a police cruiser to take his statement. They also contacted the teen, who got into a huge fight with his parents over the ordeal. The cop was more than happy to give a citation for reckless driving. Hopefully he'll have his license revoked as well.

I am a huge believer in Karma. Sooner or later your actions catch with you, one way or another, the universe has this way of evening things out. I'm sure that our poor trash can was not the first victim for this teen driver, and for all those other nameless plastic bins I say a 'You're welcome.' But that's not the only thing that I thought about when reviewing this incident. This got me to thinking about my male MC in my manuscript, Kale, and why it is that he would never pull a stunt like the one that kid did with us. You see Kale was raised to have respect for his elders and for other people's property. His parents are pretty high up in the social world and he has to make sure to keep himself in check. Now Kale's best friend Chris might be the kind of guy to get a kick out of hitting people's trash cans with his car, or using their mailboxes for batting practice, but thankfully he has Kale to keep him in line. That's not to say that those two don't get into a few perdicaments every now and then, but for the most part Kale is the angel on Chris's shoulder, keeping him in check, while Chris is the devil on Kale's shoulder, egging him on to step outside the lines. Kale's parents aren't too fond of his best friend, and they've had many anights with Kale hiding a smirk in his elbow, while he comes up with some flimsy excuse for doing something out character, (not illegal mind you, but fun nonetheless) that his parents might not approve of. I'm just glad that he has sense of right and wrong, and that he knows better than to go around messing up people's property or disrespect others in such a juvenile way. If my kid was running around pulling s*#@t like that, I would want to know, but luckily for Kale's parents, their son likes to have fun without hurting others in the process.

Okay, this post is way too long. I apologize. I hope none of you have a run-in like ours, and that all your garbage cans stay safe and sound in your driveways.

Writing Through the Nausea

The amount of illness that has overtaken our home for the last month plus is really starting to irritate me...and my son hasn't even started school! I was under the impression that grade school kids usually bring home the germs with them from their classmates, but why is it that we're all puking when he's never even stepped foot in his school since registration back in March? I'm getting kind of grumpy about it. Honestly, I can't remember the last time we are all this sick, in fact, my husband has NEVER been this sick.

To top it off, my poor mother-in-law is in town and she also caught the little bugger. I'm hoping all is well by tomorrow because that's when me and the hubby are going to the Michael Buble concert, which I am SO estatic about. I love his style of singing, how he's managed to blend the classics (Frank Sinatra, Tony Bennett, etc) with his own contemporary stuff.

But the real reason I'm writing this post is because as I've been sitting around, trying to ignore the nausea, I've been able to do some writing. So, I guess it's kind of a good thing? No, I'm pretty sure I would have been writing even if I was well. Right now I'm just trying to write through the sickness. I also entered a contest over on Becky Wallace's blog a few weeks back to have my story critiqued by her awesome editing powers. Alas, I didn't win, but she did say she would critique your query letter if you weren't chosen, and she is a woman of her word. I got mine back yesterday and I am so grateful for the time she took to look over it and for the advice she gave- I've already started to tweak my query and it's looking so much better than before.

Okay, I have some housework that needs attention. Here's hoping that our house full of sickos recovers soon.

Slacking

Okay, so techincally I haven't been slacking. Things have been kind of cray-cray around here, which has made it somewhat difficult for me to do any posts. Not that there is anyone that's actually reading this, but I digress. We got back from our large Pickett clan camping trip on Saturday night, and carried along some kind of bug, you know, the kind that makes you hurl. My husband got the worst of it, he never throws up, I think he's done it maybe two or three times since I've known him (we met when I was fifteen, so almost ten years) and he threw up at least that many times on Saturday before we headed home. I have no idea how he was able to drive five plus hours feeling like that. I would have taken the wheel, but we drove his precious truck over and I have never once attempted to get behind that wheel before and the idea caused a lump of fear in my stomach. I would have been horrified if something happened to his beauty while I was driving.

Anyway, we're back now and settling in nicely. I can't even begin to describe how wonderful it is to sleep in your own warm bed after three nights on an air mattress in the freezing cold night tempratures of the mountains. I still need to put away a few things, but it's nice to be back.

I've also been working on my manuscript and attempting to get it finished off. Everytime I think "okay, it's finally ready" I get a reality check and realize that there are still a few loose ends that need to be tied in. It's going well, though, and I still love the story, so that's good. I'm having a hard time cutting out things, which I desperately need to do. It's still too long and I need some serious outsider opinion on it. I'm trying to find a critique group around my area, but it seems to be a near impossible mission. I'm trying to be optimistic about it. Somewhere out there are a few fellow writers that are in the same bind as me, searching for an outsiders help on their plotline, and I'm just sitting here waiting for them.

Okay, reality is calling. I need to do some dishes and cleaning and whatnot. And the kids are being a little too quiet- never good!

Back To Reality

So I've been kinda AWOL, I guess adjusting to life after the Fourth was harder than I had anticipated? No? Maybe I just needed a little break from the internet. But here I am, again, returning to the scene. Kind of like that character from the beginning of your book that sort of disappeared in the middle and makes a come back at the end.

This is week is going to be quite interesting. We have family coming to stay with us tonight and they'll be staying through til the weekend. Then my husband's other two brothers are staying over tomorrow night for some rock concert. Thent there's my husband's old college roommate  that's also in town for work. I'm beginning to see a theme here...maybe I should tell the hubs to stop having so many people over...just kidding, I love his family and I know they're going to have a blast at the concert. As for the familia that's in town for the week, my brother-in-law and his wife and three kiddos are here to help us. You see, I no longer have a bathroom upstairs. My husband ripped out the vanity and floor and stuffed everything else in the bathtub. We're remodeling and since that is what my brother-in-law did for a living for many years, they're coming up to help us fix it all up.

I'm pretty excited about the remodeling. We picked out the new countertop and vanity and tile this past weekend and it's going to look pretty sweet. Having said that, it's going to be tough to have people invade my house for that long. I have this thing called a routine that I like to stick to and it's going to be difficult to let go of it and go with the flow while they're here...wish me luck and send me good vibes- I'd really appreciate the support.

Okay, I should get going. It's likely that I won't be back again until next week when my life returns to normal. Then mid-week next week we're going camping, so that should be fun. Have a nice week to everyone out there in the blogosphere!

Sick Of Being Sick

This is the second time in two months that I've gotten sick. It is particularly upsetting since the last time I got sick before that was over a year ago. Not fun. And add Father's Day to the nose blowing, lung coughing, head spinning symptoms and things were sure to end on a sickly note. My poor husband, I felt awful. I did wake up to cook him a Father's Day breakfast, but I couldn't do much of anything after that. My daughter had been up the last few nights with a fever, so that was one more added stress factor. But all in all, it wasn't too bad of a day. The Hubby played video games with the boys (Mario Kart is awesome and so addicting), got chinese for dinner, and got to lounge around all day because I couldn't go anywhere. All in all I'm just glad that it's over that I can get on with this whole recovery thing I hear so much about.

On another note, I haven't written anything down in several days and it's starting to get to me. I've been so distracted with my own mind and after a while it really starts to bogg you down. Doubts are flying around everywhere, I'm trying to figure out what to cut from my finished story, where I'm trying to go with my current WIP, wondering if a day will ever come when my book will be published, all these thoughts are truly draining. And let's add another mess to it all- I'm thinking about having another baby. Yeah, that pretty much trumps everything else. I'm scared to death of those first few sleepless and exhausting months, but I adore my children so much and I know that they're worth it. But the hardest part for me is pregnancy. My hormones are in such a rage that I make the wicked witch of the west look like freakin mary poppins. I know, I can be a little scary. My favorite part of pregnancy is labor, because when I'm at the hospital I  know I'm in good hands with the nurses and my doctor and I know that the whole miserable 40 weeks is finally coming to an end. I don't know, I want another one, but it's terrifying.

Okay, I'm really going to try and write despite the jumbled mess that is my mind. I love it and sometimes it's the only way I can escape said jumbled thoughts. And I'm really getting into my current WIP. I think I'm going to take another little while off with my other story to get my head screwed on straight. If i take that time, maybe those glaring mistakes and loose ends will be easier to spot. Here's to hoping for a good writing week!

Scrambling For Sanity

So, today I need to pack for the our trip tomorrow, but that probably won't happen until around...say 11:45 tonight. I'm such a procrastinator when it comes to things. Maybe that's why it took me so long to finish my first draft of my current WIP. But, I also do my best work while under pressure- what's up with that? I guess a lifetime of procrastinating has prepared me well. But seriously, there are a lot of things that I need to get done before we leave tomorrow afternoon. Like cleaning. Not a fan. The last thing I want after returning from a long weekend getaway is to come home to a mess. It's bad enought that I'll have a pile of laundry to do right away without adding the stress of dirty dishes, or cluttered counters, and grimy floors. I guess I shouldn't complain too much. I have a pretty good life. I have three amazing kids, a hard working husband who loves me, and a roof over my head. My oldest will be turning five this weekend, and the fact that he's turned out so amazingly really has little to do with me. Really, how did I get so lucky when it came to the kids department? Not saying that the kiddos don't drive me crazy at times, but they're all beautiful and healthy and love each other.
I just wish I had more time in the day to get things done. Once the sun sets and the dark shade of night begins to creep around the edges of the sky, I find that I have regrets. Not all the time. Sometimes though, it is inevitable. I'll wish that I had  played more with the kids, or that I had worked out, I'll want more time to get my writing done, I'll regret not reading. It's a little draining focusing on all the things we get wrong. It happens to the best of us. So today, instead of worrying about what I won't get done, I'll focus on what I can do with the time that I have, and make the most of it. Here's hoping for safe travels and fun times with family, without too much insanity mixed in there as well.

Confessions of a T.V. addict

Hi, my name is Prerna, and I'm a tv addict. The first step is to admit you have a problem, right? I don't know what it is, maybe the escape, like with reading? But I enjoy many shows- MANY. Here, let me list you a few (or more): The Office, Parks and Rec, Community, 30 Rock, Modern Family, Cougar Town, The Middle (don't worry, comedies aren't the only ones to make the list), The Killing, The Walking Dead, How I Met Your Mother, Dexter, One Tree Hill (a guilty pleasure, I've been watching it since HS), Supernatural. And more. Those are just some of those shows that still on air. I have many more that I still love watching re-runs of. I know, I have a problem. If that wasn't enough, we just ordered the first four seasons of Friday Night Lights- add one more to the list! You would think since I enjoy writing fantasy, that I would watch more of that genre. I enjoy The Vampire Diaries, but miss the days of Buffy and Angel- those two are my faves. I also loved Roswell, there was just something about those aliens. Heroes was another favorite. Okay, I should just stop now. It's just sad. BTW, just because I love a lot of shows, doesn't mean I sit on my butt ignoring them all day. There's this thing called a DVR that is my saving grace.

Why it is the way it is

My days are pretty hectic. I have three little ones that demand (yes, DEMAND) my attention, I have make sure my home doesn't look like the site of a nuclea disaster, provide food for said little ones, make sure they have clean clothes, and that they themselves are clean, and make sure I don't lose my sanity while all of this chaos surrounds me. On top of that I have to find time to write. Actually, I don't HAVE to do anything, but I WANT time to write. In order for this to happen the planets must align perfecly causing the Earth's rotation to...blah blah blah, you get the picture- it's difficult. But I do it anyway, because it's what I love. And i firmly believe that all moms (and non-moms alike- pretty much anyone with a crazy life) deserve so 'me' time. It's not selfish, it's reasonable. Even if it's just fifteen minutes. You  have no idea how incredible those fifteen minutes feel. It's like taking a bite out of the most decadent, moist, delicious chocolate cake (you can change this visual to whatever dessert tickles your fancy, I'm a chocolate gal myself). Okay, truth be told, in order for my life to feel balanced, in order for me to not lose it, in order to feel even more fulfilled than I already do, I make time to write. I get up earlier than my kids, at least an hour, I stay up later than them, I write while they're too distracted to notice my absence- pretty much any opportunity I can get. I grab my laptop, or notebook-which ever is on hand, and start going. Everyone has their own way of doing things, all that matters is that we do it.

The Fear

The fear of failure keeps us anchored. When we are unable to free ourselves of this heavy weight, we can lose sight of our final desination. And not everyone's destination is publication. I'm not quite sure how to overcome this fear, the best thing I can think to do is keep my eyes closed while I press the send key. I started writing for myself, but somewhere along the way I started getting this burning in my chest, I don't know how else to describe it. That burning let me know that perhaps it was time to share my story with others, that it was good enough. Then the doubt would sink in and I would think ' what if I'm completely delusional?' But I knew the truth in my heart, that I loved my story, and even if others do not, at least I have that. At least I can say I tried if I don't succeed. I don't want any 'what ifs' in my future.